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After the rough week, I finally collapsed -- into bed, body protesting under the strain with a splitting headache. Think I will focus on recovering sleep and spirit for the next few days. Maybe it doesn't matter what's really going on. I know what I'm going to do about it in the short-term, which is talk to someone. The long term is a mystery but I will try to trust that it will be okay.
Argh, I really do want some external spiritual sustenance! | |
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Just thought I should update something on this space. I don't update as often thanks to many things happening. Have been busy having fun, celebrating kk's birthday, eating, watching movies, and just spending time together. Awesome.
Christmas eve is gonna be a good day. | |
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Life is unpredictable. On the very day I need to sleep early for a heavy day on the next, I had to wake up in the middle of the night and waste an hour feeling miserable. Despite the fact that misery has become my most familiar friend this week, I don't welcome it with open arms, especially not at 4am. But all attempts to shrug it off failed.
When I finally fell asleep, it was to dreadful dreams. My bedroom I'd so carefully built up partially reverted to its old condition, with an old wardrobe whose doors promptly broke. I stared at it confusedly wondering what was supposed to be there. (I placed a bookcase in that spot a few years ago.) Then there was some weird stuff involving a toilet and someone terrifying to me sitting outside combing his hair. I woke up not knowing what was real and not really caring, since reality is also becoming a hell of my own creation.
I need to not think so much, I realised yet again after crawling out of bed.... How I envy those who think simply and don't clothe their thoughts in ten layers of complexity! I have this annoying need to be liked, to be needed, to belong. It's driving me crazy. - Mood:angry
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I'm back from Hong Kong few days ago and finally broke Blast! Camp yesterday. Blast! Camp left me pretty burned out even though I barely went for half of it. We were given a music mix and tasked to come up with a dance choreography within 3 days. Then we had to perform it at the end of the camp; which was yesterday. So all the nights were taken up by dance practices that lasts till 5am. Gave me pretty severe muscle aches. Hahaha. I still can't climb the stairs properly as of now. Tsk. Caught the Christmas lightings along Orchard today with Michelle, Daniel and Pinrui! Michelle and Daniel have pretty much became my annual lights-seeing kakis and I like that I have company to watch the lights with. I would say the lightings this year aren't as good as the previous year but the atmosphere was definitely better. Orchard road was bustling with the usual busking, little kids performing carols, lighted driven platforms sponsored by churches, dressing up by different people along the streets etc etc. I like that it's filled with noise. Okay, wouldn't call it noise but I like the activity. (: Now, for the photos! 
Dinner at Manhatten Fish Market in Plaza Singapura. The four of us ordered the same dish with different types of fish: Cherry Snapper, Pacific Dory & Alaskan Pollock. I've to say that I think it all tastes the same. Hahahah!
This was before it turned dark. I thought the little orange balls are rather pretty.
 
The very pretty reindeer, magic mirror, gingerbread men and santa. I was just saying very loudly and exaggerating-ly about how huge Santa's tummy was when I saw an Indian man with an equally huge, if not bigger, tummy than Santa standing just right beside me. Got Daniel cracking up beside me.
 I
Love the butterfly on top of the Paragon Christmas tree. I love butterflies!
 I was just wondering why all the reindeers look a little.... erm, tanned. Hahahahaha.
This is my favourite photo of the day - a very very extremely breath-taking scene inside a christmas tree located right outside ion. The little round hanging things are moving discs. Very nice!
 A Lexus stalled right in the middle of a cross junction. Yeah, right in the middle of a junction in Orchard Road. The guy's pretty screwed. Lmao. Then, there was this guy telling his girlfriend, 'See, you wanna get a Lexus right? This is what will happen to you.' LMAO! Totally funny. 
We got free Colas right outside Lido. Being at the right place, at the right time rocks Hahaha! Sat down at McCafe and the two of them got excited blowing musical notes out of their Coke bottles. I simply can't get my note to come out from the damn bottle. Damnnn noob. Yeaps, that's pretty much all. The next few posts will be about Hong Kong! Massive photo blogging!! (: Goodnight! - Mood:nostalgic
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You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within yourself the possibility of shaping and forming as a particularly happy and pure way of living; train yourself to it--but take whatever comes with great trust and if only it comes out of your own will, out of same need of your inmost being, take it upon yourself and hate nothing. Sex is difficult; yes. But they are difficult things with which we have been charged; almost everything serious is difficult and everything is serious. If you only recognize this and manage, out of yourself, out of your own nature and ways, out of your own experience and childhood and strength to achieve a relation to sex wholly your own (not influenced by convention and custom), then you need no longer be afraid of losing yourself and becoming unworthy of your best possession. -- Letters to a Young Poet, Rainier Maria Rilke to Franz Kappus (quoted from http://www.pa56.org/ross/rilke.htm) - Tags:books
- Mood:thoughtful
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Life has never been so fulfilling.
I work hard, play hard, and i party hard. Thats life for me now. =D | |
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Darn, I didn't lock some entries I thought I'd friendslocked. Looking at the readers' list is scary. It shows the posts people read but not who they are. By this point, I don't really know who reads my journal. Times like this I want to squirm away and vanish. Pity I am so attached to LJ-- a username change, perhaps?
Non-LJ readers, comment sometimes leh. Tell you what, I'll screen all comments here so only I can read them, and you comment to say hi, okay? - Mood:annoyed
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I'm listening to an audiobook these days, about how to negotiate the treacherous land that is talking to other people when stakes are high. It's not easy to listen rather than read. One is forced by the nature of the reading to be linear. I think I divide my time between paying more attention and missing entire sections when I drift off. There is actually no way of skimming an audiobook other than listening to chapter summaries, if they exist. It is an interesting experience.
I have been trying to listen to myself better, too. My grievances and upsets usually have a source. I need to listen to where they are coming from and then speak up instead of trying to go it alone or murder myself over the complexity of the emotions. I'm done with passive aggressiveness, well, half of the time. I have seen it in others, and I don't like it at all.
My DVDs have shipped, yay! | |
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 Not kidding when I say UO has the most brilliant gadgets ever. I love this, alot. But, the thought of spending $80 on this is a bit erhhhhh. If only I managed to convince somebody to get me this for my birthday previously! This week, is KA-CHING week. I see dollar signs everywhere. EVERYWHERE. It was just visual torture. But right now, there's audio torture as well. It's really really bad. I need to work and earn money so that my heart will stop beating so hard and fast. Okay, I do still want my heart beating. Did I make sense there?! MY ROOM IS A HUGE MESS OMGWTFBBQ. And I snipped my hair :D (btw, email's jenrinee@gmail.com for ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) shriek_nasty . But you may not be able to add me due to privacy reasons! Leave me your email so that I can add you. Alternatively, you can find me on twitter too!) | |
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Back on facebook, again. so shriek_nasty you can try your luck again?! New moon today with sem&mei, loves. It would have been torturous watching with any one else but the 2 of them. Basically it's just sem&i bitching the whole damn time and doing the blahblahblah and hand signal things. It has been a long while since I managed to actually watch trailers, hahaha! I can't fit into UK8 bottoms nicely anymore. UK10 is starting to become more and more fitting as the days past. This is bad news. One fine day I will wake up and realise I am a UK20 trying to squeeze into that UK10 shorts. KNN! Right now, at this point of time, I really feel aimless. I have no idea where to go, there's no arrows pointing and no neon signs for the "destination" anymore. It's not even because I'm graduating, but because I've officially left NTU. Too many reasons behind it, and I don't really expect any of you to really understand the rationale behind it. But for now, I'm glad that my family and the few friends who knew have been real supportive. Thank you so much for being around. So, what's next? | |
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自從幾個月前，心血來潮把留了那麽多年的長髮剪掉后，就很想重新再留長。
當時會那麽乾脆的剪掉，除了on impulse 和天氣熱，也包括想把當時被許多心事束縛的自己解放出來。
我覺得長髮真的能帶給人意想不到的安全感 - 外在的安全感，也包括心理上的。
儅你下定決心，也不見得有勇氣突然把一頭過肩的長髮剪掉。。。
只是想試試自己的勇氣，沒想到真的帶給我的心境蠻多（良性？）改變的。
以前的自己常常給別人遮遮掩掩的感覺，現在乾脆多了。
喜歡就要大方表現出來，討厭就要敢恨敢言。
也學會看開很多事情，重視自己與身邊的人的健康安全。
昨天又突然跑去把頭發剪更短了。
發現自己好像比較適合短髮。
我不是指外貌，畢竟那是見仁見智的。。。
我是覺得我的性格（我希望的性格）適合利落的短髮。
毋庸置疑，我是一個很愛自己的人。（甚至有點自憐）
這就是爲什麽會還會有人愛我的唯一原因吧，畢竟我的個性那麽差。
但缺乏自信一直以來都是自己的致命傷。
在我把更多自信鍛煉出來前，只能暫時與飄逸長髮說 BYE BYE 囖！ | |
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Things have been kind of tense&awkward somehow recently. I can't help to wonder if it was because of certain decisions that I am about to make, but then again, it may also be just another case of over-reacting. Hope so! Find this really pretty and wish I can lay my hand on it. But, there's kk's birthday coming up, christmas, and many many other expenses! Do I have the spare cash lying around to purchase this?! All the more I want to strike toto or something, man!!!
I wish I can just forget about everything unpleasant with a snap of fingers, but they are always haunting me somehow. They prowl in the deepest corners in my head, and when I let my guards down, they come back for more, and each time more ferocious than before. It's really scary, and just sad. I don't know how long more do I have to fight with my inner demons, but I hope that it will all end soon.
"The best smell in the world is that man that you love." Jennifer Aniston | |
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I haven't written here in a long while. Reason being I wasn't so pissed as to want to write somewhere where others don't usually read my main blog will read here.
So anyway,
imagine that after 9 hours of work, 1 hour of traveling, you are tired. However, you are meeting your bf (who is equally tired) for dinner (:D) and you hope to settle the gift for the gift exchange.
Your mum SMSed you to buy bread from Carrefour. Specifically from there. So you go there, and buy it despite not buying the gift.
Afterwards, when you reach home, your mum takes your bread, tries it, and says it's too soft. That's why Carrefour sold it cheap. Then she asks you how much you paid for it ($2 for 8 pieces). Then she says, "No wonder, it's expiring on the 12 December." Then your sister says, "That's today." (when it isn't)
So far okay right? It was ok to me too.
I didn't say anything because I didn't know if it'll sound bad. Then I explained that I didn't know what to buy and that I'm eating it for breakfast tomorrow anyway.
Then your Mum says, "It's soft already." Point taken.
Because she said it so many times (more than what I'd written above), I had to explain that I didn't buy soft croissants on purpose. It was just one comment and I said it nicely.
THEN, your sister, who was in the room starts commenting about you when you're explaining to your mum about the croissants in the living room. You can't hear her at all. You know she's saying about you, because you heard "I didn't say you bought it on purpose." I mean, is it really anything to do with her?
I told her to talk to me outside and not mumble stuff that no one hears (my mum didn't hear it believe it or not even though she was nearer to the room than me) and GUESS WHAT SHE SAID?
(Freaking annoying)
She said, "I'm talking to you from here. If you don't want to listen to me talk then don't come and lose your temper."
1. I didn't say anything about her I don't know what has me talking and explaining to my mum has to do with her.
2. I said I didn't buy on purpose doesn't mean that I felt that they said I bought soft croissants on purpose right? The world isn't black or white only. There's grey. There's pink.
Then my mum told me not to talk if i'm tired. I wonder who started it.
I'm sorry I'm so pissed right now. If she didn't talk to me from the room so rudely I wouldn't have felt angry at all. Seriously.
Let's talk about temper or attitude now shall we?
If you say that I lost my temper, tell me about yours. You were slamming stuff around afterwards. I didn't.
I treat everyone from friends to family equally. How come I don't fall out that often with friends? How come I'm able to accommodate to the different characteristics of my friends?
And when people contact you to thank you for attending a meeting or what not, you ignore the sms. Didn't even read past the next scroll button huh?
I don't know man. I just want to rant before doing my prayers. I don't want to elevate the wrong kind of lifeforce.
Ah. It feels so good. | |
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These pictures were taken when we were inside the Airport Express. Really breathtaking scenery along the way. I'm liking the random candid shot I took of the three of them, each doing their own things.
Our first meal in HK! Jiesheng's Beef Haslet Noodles at the top right hand corner and my Beef Ball Noodles, bottom left! Costs us HK$30 for a bowl of noodles which amounts to S$6. It was really expensive! But as the days go by, we got better at finding cheaper food! The most memorable cheap meal was probably the S$6 dimsum we had at Yau Ma Tei. It's impossible to get 6 dollars dimsum in Singapore. Hahahaha. We then took the MTR to Tung Chung Station for the impromtu cable car ride. 
Hahaha I forgot why we passed by Mongkok. Maybe some transit along the way. :S 
Citygate's this shopping centre that's said to sell cheap sports bras. Hahaha. We shopped here at our very last day but didn't buy anything much. Check out the 'red tooth' too! It's the sign for their MTR but it certainly looks like the red version of the bluetooth symbol. Hahaha. We then bought the tickets to the Ngong Ping 360 Cable Car. It costs us about HK$107 each for the ride. 
The view from the cable car! Slightly blurred images because of the cable car enclosure. (: We caught sight of the Buddha from afar. The cable car ride brought us all the way up to Ngong Ping village where we can see the huge statue of the Buddha. 
Ngong Ping Village. It's quite a commercialized place. Nonetheless, still a nice place; villagey and all. I like.
Check out Joyce's progression in the first few pictures! It's really funny! Hahahaha! And yup, try finding us int he last two photos! Hahaha. We're highly touristy. Lol. 
I really like this! It's like those wishing trees you see in HK dramas. Love the last two pictures. Really pretty! I think I need that "Xue Ye Jing Bu" one given that results are releasing tomorrow. Hahahaha! I really really love these pictures. 'Like' times ten thousand times! Hahaha. The next time I go there, I'll buy one of those bamboo holders and make a wish. Hahaha. 
The candid photo of Jojo and Jiesheng's really nice. Hahaha. Kind of couply in a sense and it was purely candid! I must say this is my favourite candid photo of the entire trip. Hahaha. Really very nice. We climbed lots of steps up to the Buddha and that gave me aching knees for the next two days. Hahaha. The bottom left picture is a closeup of the bronze makeup of the Buddha statue whilst the bottom right one's a night view from the cable car. We spent the whole day at Ngong Ping 360 and a large part went to queing up to get back to the MTR. Hahaha. I think we queued for about 1 hour just to get up the cable car. The queue was pretty horrendous. Haven't seen a queue quite like that since forever. Haha. So even the queue was unforgettable. Lmao. We left the place to meet Chinghui and Amerlyn at Mongkok for dinner and some shopping! 
We had dinner at a small roasted eatery. All of us except Chinghui had the Shuang Ping Fan. Its this double roasted meat rice where you can choose any roasted meat to go with your rice. It was really filling and it costs us HK$30 odd each. Hahaha. Still very expensive if you compare prices with Singapore's chicken/duck rice. Hahaha. It was shopping after dinner. We went to check out a super lousy pok Adidas sale. Everything there was totally out of fashion and so we ended up checking out the night streets. The ones we went didn't really have super cheap stuffs but Joyce managed to get rather cheap shoes at HK$80 ( S$16) at one of the stalls. 
